violated

After 6+ months of hip pain during walking/cycling, I decided that is wasn't going to jusst go away. Diagnosis: Bursitis. Great. I've just turned 40 and my body is failing already. Exploration of treatment options landed me in the quick-fix first; a shot of cortisone directly into the joint. The very thought of it was nauseating, but with a trek around the Ohio State Fair looming just days ahead, it seemed the best route.

This morning, injection day, the queasiness hit. Why in the world was I being SUCH a baby? I was in tears thinking of what was to come. Sitting in the doctor's office, and wishing I'd had a valium margarita for breakfast, my heart was pounding out of my chest. Where was this fear coming from? The utter dread of this needle was not typical; not for me.

After a few OH MY GOD!!s, the procedure was over. On the drive home, it hit me. I hadn't had a needle in my body since Caden was born. Caden's birth was traumatic, and I'm still healing from it. I had a total flashback to this time. The violations to my body were numerous, and , some, without consent. I was so angry and scared that my beautiful homebirth had turned into this medically managed freak show that I have forever scars on my heart...and, sometimes, an unrelated event will irritate them.

Thankfully, my loving Jon was there, to talk and make it all better with lunch at the Levy House . The blessing of a sweet, supportive family is mine, and I thank God for their healing and His in my life.